I need help with condense, grammatical errors, and the use of good words.

 

Still vividly remembered when I was 7 years old, a bank promotion was held in my school, which gist was depositing required amount of money monthly for a year, you’ll get 12 free pizza at the end of the year. As a naïve girl, I had a vague feeling about the mentioned higher interestthan regular bank account, and on the contrary, free pizza really attracted me. After 6 months deposit, I noticed the changes about amount of money and asked father why. My father explained this question in a simple mathematical method, and from then on, I obtained a preliminary understanding of finance.

 

Confronting with this diversified world, I know that the gap between rich and poor is widening and this inequality cannot be ignored. Impressivescene in my mind was when I saved $800 from spending expenditure to buy an $800 TV for my home stay host mother. Her sincere smile on face is the headspring of my motivation to help others, meanwhile, my impetus to be stronger to help more people. As well, I know how to manage money is important for people which can help to reach their goals.I am responsible, careful and patient, which makes me born for this major, and the most primitive and sincere reason to study finance and related, is to help more people like the host mother mentioned above.

 

In college, I motivate my friends and give them advices on particular things. For instance, I sometimes teach them homework when I know the lesson well. My friends also taught me when I am confused on the specific lesson. When I do group work, I tend to make sure everything is on the right track, therefore, I mostly make plan and assigned work equally to each member. Beside academic wise, when my friends meet difficulty, I give them a hand and get through the tough time together. I helped a friend who once tried to quite school. He changed his mind and lately he is grateful for my advice ( he is now working at wall street)à I want to mention that I contributed positively to the community, to help friends accomplish things afterward.

 

As an accounting major, I am extremely fascinated in gaining experience in the field finance related. The classes I have pursued for my undergraduate degree including: Financial Accounting, Finance, and MIS, which have provided and given me with fundamental knowledge of many finance-related areas.And in daily life, I have already harvested my first pot of gold—$30,000 through overseas purchasing, birthday gift, reward from good grade, travel budget, as well as pin money in my 17-year-old age.àthe purpose is to show I have a strong self-determined, passion on particular things which I can achieve it at the end.

 

Person who stays behind my passion and who always supports me is my uncle. He’s a hedge fund manager. I would call him my mentor. When I have a question related with Investment or any finance related topic, he will be there to help me out. During the summer break; I like to follow him to conferences so I could meet with successful people and at the same time to keep myself motivated.–> the purpose is to show I have powerful mentor who could give me advice and supply me connection with professional experts.

 

I want to add I have experience studying abroad program (summer program usually take around 6-8 weeks) since six grades-> I joined summer program in Singapore (6th grade), England (7th grade), India (8th grade) à the purpose is to show I can easily adapt myself to diverse environments with no problem.

 

Years in California State University enhanced my academic foundation on business subjects. As an international student from China, I got a GPA 3.57 out of 4. In my undergraduate degree, I gained a strong understanding of corporate finance, financial accounting, auditing, tax, managerial accounting, supply chain and management. I have also studied an additional Business Administrative course where I introduced to ethical, social responsibility and sustainability issues that face business practitioners within their field and across related disciplines. Synchronously, I also took lots of math courses, such as Math of Money, General View Math, and Tech Calculus 1.I think it is an honor that my major will be able to assist more and more people to meet their long-term financial objectives.Now, my dense interest in finance and related majors, the need of realizing my career ambition of becoming financial planner and desire for experiencing a UK education account to my decision of pursuing the graduate program of finance related.

 

In my extracurricular duties and fulfilling my public responsibilities, I devoted myself to the students’ union ranks, showing my frequent attendance in California State University-Clubs and Organizations. As a flexible and optimistic extrovert, I had superb interpersonal skills and communication strategies, which allowed me to communicate with distinguished strangers and preserve the reciprocal relationship with them. Additionally, Management Project-Erie City Mission, Marketing Research- 2gnōME cooperatively organized by Black School of Business offered me the opportunity to be engaged in in-depth analysis for talent management and assessment markets. Especially in the Management Project-Erie City Mission, we fundraised to help those in need in the community. My team raised more than $5000 within a month.Moreover, I am fond of trading stock, real estate investment, and wish to befinancially free before 50, donate and give back to society, besuccessful and expert in my career field as well. From my point of view, nothing is impossible,

 

Pertinent to finance and its relevant world, my internship in KPMG extended my practical exploration in social aspect and burgeoned maturity of my personality with colossal significance acquired. During the interned in KPMG, I developed my problem solving, communication skills along with deep understanding of company structure. Moreover, I also created relationships with partners, managers and trainees during my internship. Like a person I am, I spent of my free time speaking with partner and managers who share me with such invaluable experiences they had and asking some ideas and tips for my future career. As a trainee, I was responsible for finding the revenue rulings related to client case and then translated those into English (bilingual), collecting the data (tax paper works) and outlined the form such as invitation letters. The main responsibility in the above listed workplace dwelled in bilingual translation, collecting data, managing cash transactions and making monthly financial Excel sheet. My unique and critical angle towards work enabled me to be qualified for what I have done. Perceiving the vital responsibility of an accounting intern, I always remind me of the righteousness and objective intuition because my belief in accounting is sacrosanct.

 

After completing Masters’ program, my short-term career goal is to work at a leading global trusted firm as a financial planner/advisor who has obtained CFP certificate already.With progressive and constant career, my long-term career goals are becoming a wealth manager or hedge fund, creating knowledgeable sources and being a lecturer/special guest speaker for institution/non-profit organization like TEDx. Finally, I want to motivate people to realize financial planning’s importance. I believe it could help them live their ideal life. I know it hard to change people perspective of financial planning since someone think it tedious, someone is close-minded. I want to help them by using simple and self-explanatory terms. I will strive to achieve it as my long-term career goals. Also, I will keep myself updated with current events and seeking for a strong connection–> the purpose is to show my clear goal is going to push me to accomplish world-changing things and going to continue great things in college and beyond.

 

With the retrospect of my reserved academic deposition and the extant experiences, I ought to initiate the overseas study of further and monolithic expertise congregated in your esteemed university, with the affixture of the flourishing courses and considerate internships that interlude among the graduate practitioners. The various ingredients and assortments synthesizing the interdisciplinary information would be the definite obsession to me, the combination of which will enhance my competitiveness to contend in the realm of finance related. Confident in my academic performance and the desire for Finance, I hold the firm belief that I will terminate my graduate study with a successful attainment. Attempting to be a financial planner would never vanish from my mind. For long running, I would indefatigably seek for the promotion in my career and with the apoise groundwork of sufficient skills and capital, the involvement in financial world would be my glossy future in lifelong path.